Every year, on Luke's birthday, I write him a letter. More for me I suppose, but I'd like to think that he'll treasure these notes someday.
7 years ago today, I was 36 lbs overweight, stretched out beyond my body's natural capacity, unable to turn over in bed, unable to see my feet, unable to eat anything but popsicles....We walked through a parking lot in the pouring rain after my ob appointment to the movie theatre to see War of the Worlds...... pretty sure it was the violence in that movie that made Luke decide it was time to make his entrance into this world - 9 days early. I will tell you this - I knew NOTHING about life or even love back then. NOTHING. Tomorrow, the greatest blessing in my life is turning 7. How is it even possible that I've managed not to break him?
Adam and I constantly reminisce about the first days as new parents. SO scary. I mean, no one was as psycho as I was - it's not possible. I hit the panic button, even though I had waited my WHOLE life to be a Mom.... it's another story when you actually bring that little thing home, right?
Just after my 2nd heart procedure and the removal of my thyroid and the balance of medications, I actually had a doctor tell me "ok, you're healthy. for now." I told Adam, "I'm healthy, I don't know how long that will be (there was a strong chance that the VT would come back) I want to have a baby". He was like "um, ok.... can I think about it?" I said, "yes, of course.... let me know by tomorrow, 'kay babe?" After a couple of babies that God decided to keep, we found out in late October, 2004 that we were expecting a baby and this time, he made it past 3 months! When you're "trying" for a baby, you often know the SECOND you become pregnant - thus making it a VERY long 9 months to wait. Especially for me, the psychotic, neurotic, worrier that I am.
We went to birthing classes, breastfeeding classes, baby boot camp classes.... we wrote our birth plan, the loving words we would say to each other during labor, planned for the music and mood we'd set in the room, practiced walking, bouncing on the ball - yeah right. That's all crap. The water broke, the hell started, everything leaked out of every hole, I puked, I pooped, I cried, screamed and as the epidural went in, I bit down hard on the nurse's shoulder. Nope, there was nothing glamourous about me that day. However, it was the most amazing day of my entire life and I'd do it again and again (if the staff at Beverly Hospital didn't have my picture up in labor and delivery with a big red X through it).
Anyway, I'll never EVER forget how he felt when they put his hot little body in my arms, still attached to me, he was perfect. Seriously - I had no words. None. I still have no words when I watch him sleep, watch him play, listen to him laugh, watch the expressions on his face change with his every emotion. How is it possible that WE, as imperfect as we are, made someone SO perfect?
Anyway, I am pretty sure I held my breath that entire 9+ months because I completely fell apart after he was born. That first night at home was scary - I cried when it was time to leave the hospital because I was afraid I wouldn't know what to do with him - he was so tiny, so fragile, so.......... strange? I really had NEVER held someone so small (6lbs 5oz) and I was terrified of him. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I forced Adam to stay awake while I slept so that one of us could always keep an eye on him, just in case something happened. I was so overwhelmed with my new role as protector and I wanted to be nothing short of perfect at it. It had taken me SO long to have him, I didn't want to lose him.
Anyway, he showed me a thing or two! He was ALWAYS still there when I went in to check on him. Really?? Has anyone ever gone through this? I used to hold my breath each time I went over to see him, it was tiring! I am pretty sure that I was going through some severe PTSD from all of the crazy heart stuff...... I just wanted him to stay safe. (read the heart story here) PTSD - a story for another day!
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He was an amazing one-year old. Very curious, always happy and screaming with delight.... just to hear his own voice. He threw everything he picked up, he tried to run everywhere and he refused to pass the "ferberizing" test. (well, it was most likely us that failed at that one).
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At two, he had a new baby sister, learned to bat a ball off the "T" and started taking regular wagon rides around the neighborhood with Daddy. He was talking non stop and very curious about Yivvy and everything she did. He learned how to climb out of the crib and therefore got into a big boy bed!
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When Luke turned 3, he started preschool, stopped wearing diapers, taught his sister everything he knew (including how to dance) and caught his first fish on Daddy's boat!
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At age 4, Luke learned how to ice-skate, played his first league sport, decided he wanted to be batman and went to the dentist for the first time - with perfect teeth!! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FIVE years old and off to Kindergarten!! (along with a trip to California and Aruba!) Age 5 came complete with sleepovers, playdates, soccer, t-ball, beach time and fun with friends! Luke also had to say goodbye to his very best friend in the entire world as her family moved to England.... he's VERY excited to be reunited with her this summer :)
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Year SIX and a HUGE year of changes!!! Luke got a puppy, we moved to Florida, started a new school, made new friends, lost his first tooth (and then his second one), learned to swim, started Sunday School and developed a new passion for Soccer! WOW.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our Beautiful Boy...... you have accomplished everything your little 7-year old heart & soul has set out to do and Daddy and I are so very proud of you. It's an honor to watch you grow into a sweet, strong young man. We don't take ONE day for granted and we stand here, full of love and pride and appreciate every little part that makes up all of you! You are our little superstar. Happy 7th Birthday, we want all of your wishes to come true! We love you.... Here's to a BIG YEAR!!!
7 years ago today, I was 36 lbs overweight, stretched out beyond my body's natural capacity, unable to turn over in bed, unable to see my feet, unable to eat anything but popsicles....We walked through a parking lot in the pouring rain after my ob appointment to the movie theatre to see War of the Worlds...... pretty sure it was the violence in that movie that made Luke decide it was time to make his entrance into this world - 9 days early. I will tell you this - I knew NOTHING about life or even love back then. NOTHING. Tomorrow, the greatest blessing in my life is turning 7. How is it even possible that I've managed not to break him?
Adam and I constantly reminisce about the first days as new parents. SO scary. I mean, no one was as psycho as I was - it's not possible. I hit the panic button, even though I had waited my WHOLE life to be a Mom.... it's another story when you actually bring that little thing home, right?
Just after my 2nd heart procedure and the removal of my thyroid and the balance of medications, I actually had a doctor tell me "ok, you're healthy. for now." I told Adam, "I'm healthy, I don't know how long that will be (there was a strong chance that the VT would come back) I want to have a baby". He was like "um, ok.... can I think about it?" I said, "yes, of course.... let me know by tomorrow, 'kay babe?" After a couple of babies that God decided to keep, we found out in late October, 2004 that we were expecting a baby and this time, he made it past 3 months! When you're "trying" for a baby, you often know the SECOND you become pregnant - thus making it a VERY long 9 months to wait. Especially for me, the psychotic, neurotic, worrier that I am.
We went to birthing classes, breastfeeding classes, baby boot camp classes.... we wrote our birth plan, the loving words we would say to each other during labor, planned for the music and mood we'd set in the room, practiced walking, bouncing on the ball - yeah right. That's all crap. The water broke, the hell started, everything leaked out of every hole, I puked, I pooped, I cried, screamed and as the epidural went in, I bit down hard on the nurse's shoulder. Nope, there was nothing glamourous about me that day. However, it was the most amazing day of my entire life and I'd do it again and again (if the staff at Beverly Hospital didn't have my picture up in labor and delivery with a big red X through it).
Anyway, I'll never EVER forget how he felt when they put his hot little body in my arms, still attached to me, he was perfect. Seriously - I had no words. None. I still have no words when I watch him sleep, watch him play, listen to him laugh, watch the expressions on his face change with his every emotion. How is it possible that WE, as imperfect as we are, made someone SO perfect?
Anyway, I am pretty sure I held my breath that entire 9+ months because I completely fell apart after he was born. That first night at home was scary - I cried when it was time to leave the hospital because I was afraid I wouldn't know what to do with him - he was so tiny, so fragile, so.......... strange? I really had NEVER held someone so small (6lbs 5oz) and I was terrified of him. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I forced Adam to stay awake while I slept so that one of us could always keep an eye on him, just in case something happened. I was so overwhelmed with my new role as protector and I wanted to be nothing short of perfect at it. It had taken me SO long to have him, I didn't want to lose him.
Anyway, he showed me a thing or two! He was ALWAYS still there when I went in to check on him. Really?? Has anyone ever gone through this? I used to hold my breath each time I went over to see him, it was tiring! I am pretty sure that I was going through some severe PTSD from all of the crazy heart stuff...... I just wanted him to stay safe. (read the heart story here) PTSD - a story for another day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was an amazing one-year old. Very curious, always happy and screaming with delight.... just to hear his own voice. He threw everything he picked up, he tried to run everywhere and he refused to pass the "ferberizing" test. (well, it was most likely us that failed at that one).
At two, he had a new baby sister, learned to bat a ball off the "T" and started taking regular wagon rides around the neighborhood with Daddy. He was talking non stop and very curious about Yivvy and everything she did. He learned how to climb out of the crib and therefore got into a big boy bed!
When Luke turned 3, he started preschool, stopped wearing diapers, taught his sister everything he knew (including how to dance) and caught his first fish on Daddy's boat!
At age 4, Luke learned how to ice-skate, played his first league sport, decided he wanted to be batman and went to the dentist for the first time - with perfect teeth!! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FIVE years old and off to Kindergarten!! (along with a trip to California and Aruba!) Age 5 came complete with sleepovers, playdates, soccer, t-ball, beach time and fun with friends! Luke also had to say goodbye to his very best friend in the entire world as her family moved to England.... he's VERY excited to be reunited with her this summer :)
.JPG)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Year SIX and a HUGE year of changes!!! Luke got a puppy, we moved to Florida, started a new school, made new friends, lost his first tooth (and then his second one), learned to swim, started Sunday School and developed a new passion for Soccer! WOW.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our Beautiful Boy...... you have accomplished everything your little 7-year old heart & soul has set out to do and Daddy and I are so very proud of you. It's an honor to watch you grow into a sweet, strong young man. We don't take ONE day for granted and we stand here, full of love and pride and appreciate every little part that makes up all of you! You are our little superstar. Happy 7th Birthday, we want all of your wishes to come true! We love you.... Here's to a BIG YEAR!!!
1 comment:
Love, love, love keeping up with you through your blog my friend I only met once @ WPPI a couple of years ago. What a sweet post about your precious Luke! I hope to see you again one day sweet friend!
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