Oh joy, another controversial topic. I absolutely NEED to talk about this one... would LOVE the feedback ~ what do you do? Luke turned 7 in July and Olivia is just 5 1/2. I have never EVER spanked them. Don't be mistaken, I've wanted to, they've given me reason to, I've thought about it.... but I've never actually done it... that is, until New Year's Eve. **GASP** Yep. Guess which one? Olivia. She is my little sassafras. So, lately she has been hitting me (and Adam). Hard. She hits me when she doesn't get her way, when she's mad, tired, frustrated.... swat, whack, slap. I have HAD it. On Monday, we were at a friend's house for a play date and I told her it was time to go.... "go put your shoes on and get your coat, we have to go". I was standing talking to my girlfriend and she came up and slammed into my side, jarring my already sore back and sending me flying into the couch. (she's a peanut but she's strong). I grabbed her by the arm, turned her body around and without even really thinking about it, spanked her bottom, hard. She laughed at me. I was SHOCKED, stunned, hurt, angry, frustrated, embarrassed, sorry, worried, disappointed all at the same time. I honestly don't know who was more upset, me or her..... She laughed at me, initially out of embarrassment I think.... but then she got very serious and as we were getting into the car, her bottom lip was quivering. "Olivia, you are going straight to your room when we get home, you do NOT hit. It's not ok and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. I don't let you hit Luke or your friends and you will NOT hit me. Period".
I called Adam, "I spanked Liv. Hard" He said, "I knew that was coming". She has been very challenging lately and because she's the girl and still so little, she gets away with SO much. I really feel like she's running this house lately and she's been moody and cranky and demanding and whiny and it's been getting progressively worse. Adam and I have always agreed that in our house, we don't spank. We don't have naughty children, thankfully... we've never really been faced with something like this. Our children always respond to our verbal punishments, time-outs, taking away privileges and toys, etc.
She went to her room and stayed there for about 15 minutes. When she opened her door she said quietly "I'm sorry, Momma". We hugged, I held back the tears.... "Liv, I don't want to spank you and I'm sorry I had to do that... it's never ok to hit another person and when I spanked you - it was a punishment for your behavior". She said "I'm sorry I hit you mommy, I won't do it again". Did I do the right thing? I NEVER EVER want to do that again. Didn't think I'd ever do it to either one of my children, ever. I shocked myself and I wish that it hadn't had to happen but I do think that I did the right thing and I don't entirely regret it. That being said, I hope I never ever have to do it again. Ever. I also don't want her to fear that it will happen again. My parents never spanked me.... I was just never THAT bad although I think I was just good at never getting caught for things. In retrospect, I should have been spanked probably. HA!
I'm pretty sure that most of my friends feel the same way I do although it's never really been a huge discussion with anyone so I wonder..... do you spank your kids? Would you ever? Do you feel strongly one way or the other? I'd love to know...... a little tiny part of my heart broke this week when I physically punished my child...... may she NEVER hit her Momma again.
I called Adam, "I spanked Liv. Hard" He said, "I knew that was coming". She has been very challenging lately and because she's the girl and still so little, she gets away with SO much. I really feel like she's running this house lately and she's been moody and cranky and demanding and whiny and it's been getting progressively worse. Adam and I have always agreed that in our house, we don't spank. We don't have naughty children, thankfully... we've never really been faced with something like this. Our children always respond to our verbal punishments, time-outs, taking away privileges and toys, etc.
She went to her room and stayed there for about 15 minutes. When she opened her door she said quietly "I'm sorry, Momma". We hugged, I held back the tears.... "Liv, I don't want to spank you and I'm sorry I had to do that... it's never ok to hit another person and when I spanked you - it was a punishment for your behavior". She said "I'm sorry I hit you mommy, I won't do it again". Did I do the right thing? I NEVER EVER want to do that again. Didn't think I'd ever do it to either one of my children, ever. I shocked myself and I wish that it hadn't had to happen but I do think that I did the right thing and I don't entirely regret it. That being said, I hope I never ever have to do it again. Ever. I also don't want her to fear that it will happen again. My parents never spanked me.... I was just never THAT bad although I think I was just good at never getting caught for things. In retrospect, I should have been spanked probably. HA!
I'm pretty sure that most of my friends feel the same way I do although it's never really been a huge discussion with anyone so I wonder..... do you spank your kids? Would you ever? Do you feel strongly one way or the other? I'd love to know...... a little tiny part of my heart broke this week when I physically punished my child...... may she NEVER hit her Momma again.
1 comment:
I spanked Jason once when he was about Olivia's age. I had said to him "if you don't do (something I can't remember what), I'll spank you." I knew it was stupid as soon as I said it, but when he did whatever it was, I also knew I had to follow through or he'd never believe another "threat" again. It was awful. I felt just like you, but honestly it was okay in the long run. He doesn't remember it .. only I do. It's important to show who is boss. I took away things that were the most important to him .. I took his bike away once, and his reply was "it's okay I'll rollerblade." So I started taking away wheels instead. As he got older, I took away his phone (not physically or it defeated the purpose of him contacting me), but set up parental controls so he could only call me or my Mom and not his friends. I have never taken away anything that couldn't be made up (like a friend's birthday party or a special dance) because my Mom took away stuff like that and we don't have a great relationship. As Jason got older, he would occassionally really mouth off. I started giving myself time out when he did that by going into my room and shutting my door and not speaking to him. That seemed to work ... he'd have time to think about how he spoke to me and I'd wait for him to come apologize. You're a great Mom and you're kids are great. You'll be fine. I love you.
Post a Comment