This blog is turning into me exposing my ugly side.... so like, I expect to feel a little better when this post is done and I expect that people will hold me accountable for what I "admit to". The nasty "week of the month" whereby I hate everyone and everything is here. Wait, I think it's been here for a while now. I legitimately have PMS - I think I was actually diagnosed with it and given drugs to take during that "week" (give or take a week or two) when I feel and act nasty. I wonder if anyone else can relate? Adam spilled the sugar this morning - BIG MISTAKE! Luke needed to be wiped this morning "WIPE YOURSELF! YOU'RE SIX YEARS OLD!!!" Olivia wanted to wear purple shoes with her dress "THAT DOES NOT MATCH, think again little one.....". Moose, humping Maya "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? I FIXED YOUUUUUUU".... whose idea was it to get these stupid dogs?? (insert crazy pill here), "awwww... puuupppyyy..... my best girl, come here and give mama a snuggle") I AM a Gemini, afterall....
Adam says as he's walking out the door to drive the kids to school, "hey babe, the pills are in the medicine cabinet - take 2." Most people who really know me, know I take ativan when I need it. Probably because I still have anxiety that stems back to the "heart days". I'm not afraid to admit that I take drugs, hell, I'm not afraid to admit anything - obviously. I just wonder when the time will come that I don't "need" them anymore. I feel very anxious these days..... I am SO mad because I was doing SO well up in Beverly.... didn't need ativan at ALL until the "move" started. I was SO much better at controlling any sort of anxiety that started to creep in..... now bam!! it's back. with a vengeance. damn.
I want the kids in bubble wrap when they leave the house, I fear that there are perverts around every corner so I won't let the kids go to the end of the driveway by themselves, I watch them until they step inside the building at school (you're supposed to KEEP MOVING, Mrs. Stanley.....), I hold my breath at "pick up" until I see my children..... this whole outside the building thing makes me very uneasy. "Don't walk in the grass with bare feet - RED ANTS, REMEMBER???" "Don't get too close to the edge of the water, YOU MIGHT FALL IN!!!" I get up in the middle of the night to check all the doors to make sure they're locked, I'm crazy. I married a man who is the complete opposite. Sometimes I feel like I have to think for both of us - it's exhausting. Truly. And it's my fault.
Anxiety is a crazy thing, eh? It creeps up and then starts to take over your body.... like an intruder. My chest gets tight so I obsessively check my pulse, my teeth clench which causes my face and neck to hurt. I stand tense which causes my back to lock up. And then, I get a 45 minute phone call from London, or Kristin or Dana..... and I'm all better. I'm walking like an 85 year old woman though..... NICK!?!?!?!?!
I have to keep laughing.... it's the best treatment. My Ronda is coming tomorrow for a whole week and I can't wait. I need a good healthy dose of girlfriend right now.... CAN.NOT.WAIT!!! Eeeek!
I can't tell you how AWFUL it is to be so far away from my girlfriends though..... it's the very worst part about this. When I started my gold business, they all jumped in and hosted parties for me.... when I started my photography business, they all jumped right in and posed for fun. When I needed help with the kids, the move, the yardsale, EVERYTHING, I never had to ask for anything - they were all right there... Ladies, you keep me going and I'm SO lucky to have you in my life ... near and far. xoxo Now get your asses down here for a girls weekend!!!
It's not all bad though, I must say... I'm beginning to love my home, love my town, love the kids school and LOVE this weather. It's gorgeous... breezy and cool in the morning and at night. Pool weather during the day. I'm SO happy to have my in-laws here... they're cool people who can hang. What's better than that?? Oh, that they babysit!! Wooo-Hoo!
AND.... even better, we have some new friends.... Carol and John..... They live in our development. They're from Staten Island and has a wicked accent that I LOVE to imitate. They have twin 4-year old boys and you know I'm clinging to them like a fly on poo. They make me laugh SO hard, she's obnoxious and hilarious like I am. (you know I'm funny)..... She tells me to shut up, she tells it like it is and is helping me shop for bargains. They have a sick sense of humor and I'm already falling in love (consider yourselves warned, Vickerys). We're like the Cable Guy, all of a sudden...
Aaahhhhhh........I feel better already, thanks for reading :)
Adam says as he's walking out the door to drive the kids to school, "hey babe, the pills are in the medicine cabinet - take 2." Most people who really know me, know I take ativan when I need it. Probably because I still have anxiety that stems back to the "heart days". I'm not afraid to admit that I take drugs, hell, I'm not afraid to admit anything - obviously. I just wonder when the time will come that I don't "need" them anymore. I feel very anxious these days..... I am SO mad because I was doing SO well up in Beverly.... didn't need ativan at ALL until the "move" started. I was SO much better at controlling any sort of anxiety that started to creep in..... now bam!! it's back. with a vengeance. damn.
I want the kids in bubble wrap when they leave the house, I fear that there are perverts around every corner so I won't let the kids go to the end of the driveway by themselves, I watch them until they step inside the building at school (you're supposed to KEEP MOVING, Mrs. Stanley.....), I hold my breath at "pick up" until I see my children..... this whole outside the building thing makes me very uneasy. "Don't walk in the grass with bare feet - RED ANTS, REMEMBER???" "Don't get too close to the edge of the water, YOU MIGHT FALL IN!!!" I get up in the middle of the night to check all the doors to make sure they're locked, I'm crazy. I married a man who is the complete opposite. Sometimes I feel like I have to think for both of us - it's exhausting. Truly. And it's my fault.
Anxiety is a crazy thing, eh? It creeps up and then starts to take over your body.... like an intruder. My chest gets tight so I obsessively check my pulse, my teeth clench which causes my face and neck to hurt. I stand tense which causes my back to lock up. And then, I get a 45 minute phone call from London, or Kristin or Dana..... and I'm all better. I'm walking like an 85 year old woman though..... NICK!?!?!?!?!
I have to keep laughing.... it's the best treatment. My Ronda is coming tomorrow for a whole week and I can't wait. I need a good healthy dose of girlfriend right now.... CAN.NOT.WAIT!!! Eeeek!
I can't tell you how AWFUL it is to be so far away from my girlfriends though..... it's the very worst part about this. When I started my gold business, they all jumped in and hosted parties for me.... when I started my photography business, they all jumped right in and posed for fun. When I needed help with the kids, the move, the yardsale, EVERYTHING, I never had to ask for anything - they were all right there... Ladies, you keep me going and I'm SO lucky to have you in my life ... near and far. xoxo Now get your asses down here for a girls weekend!!!
It's not all bad though, I must say... I'm beginning to love my home, love my town, love the kids school and LOVE this weather. It's gorgeous... breezy and cool in the morning and at night. Pool weather during the day. I'm SO happy to have my in-laws here... they're cool people who can hang. What's better than that?? Oh, that they babysit!! Wooo-Hoo!
AND.... even better, we have some new friends.... Carol and John..... They live in our development. They're from Staten Island and has a wicked accent that I LOVE to imitate. They have twin 4-year old boys and you know I'm clinging to them like a fly on poo. They make me laugh SO hard, she's obnoxious and hilarious like I am. (you know I'm funny)..... She tells me to shut up, she tells it like it is and is helping me shop for bargains. They have a sick sense of humor and I'm already falling in love (consider yourselves warned, Vickerys). We're like the Cable Guy, all of a sudden...
(that's right, Vickery.... whether you like it or not..... we will be friends!)
Aaahhhhhh........I feel better already, thanks for reading :)
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